There will be some things in this Thought For Today that the little bit of wisdom in me says not to write. But, in the wisdom department I fall very short at times; so here I go. What I am about to say is very personal, private, and goes to the depths of my being as a man who has made commitments, is searching hard after God, and I am writing this to possibly help anyone who may read this and be able to apply it to circumstances in their lives, if not in the past, then very possibly in the very near future as things come to a climax before the return of Messiah.
Over the past three months both of my vehicles have broken down. This is not a sob story; these things happen to all of us; it is to be expected from time to time. The costs for repair have been exorbitant, over 2500 dollars. In another concern, there are two, (now three!) children from North Carolina whom their mother considers my wife and myself to be their God parents (whatever that means!) They are from, in my opinion, a very troubled, unstable, ungodly home environment.
When they stay here, as they did for Spring Break just a couple of weeks ago, our home, our animals, our peaceful environment is disrupted. I do not like disruption! On the last weekend they were here, a 6 year old little girl, her 15 year old brother, their friend who tagged along for the ride, who is a nice little girl of maybe 14, had a diabetic attack. Her sugar count was over 600 on a Friday evening. She had been eating what she should not be eating (like I do all of the time!) We rushed her to the emergency room and there was nothing they could do for her. The City hospital here in town called every hospital within the closest 100 miles and finally one out side of Washington D.C. was able to take the little girl in.
My wife rode down in the ambulance with her, we made arraignments for the other two children to stay with our relatives that night, and off we go to care for someone we do not even know. After trips to DC, calls to the children's mother who was busy cursing out the little girl, her doctors and everyone short of me and my wife for troubling her on a weekend which is apparently her party time, the little girl was stabilized and returned to her place, wherever that is, in North Carolina.
I am telling this story of the past three weeks for a reason. At times, when one tries to intervene in a situation like this there is trouble on every side. The personal side of this story is that I have been running thin in the financial department after these unexpected expenses. In today's environment it is not a good thing to fall behind on anything, especially a mortgage payment, of which I am presently. This is embarrassing and unexpected. From a spiritual mindset I think this cannot be from God! One or two mature believers I have spoken to over the past several weeks basically said that I should not introduce such things into my home; it is nothing but heartache and trouble. Like inviting Satan into your house and all of the issues that go with that.
But on the other hand, throughout the week while they were here, sometimes in the morning before I go to work, or in the evening when I would get home, I would sit at my dining room table and read the Bible. The smallest child would go into her bedroom and come to the table with a Children's Bible Story book and ask me to read to her. The other two children would come and listen to the stories about Daniel in the Lion's den (which I can kind of identify with recently), Noah and the Ark and the judgment God sent on the earth because of mankind's wickedness, and the story of Joseph being sold into slavery, even after being promised by God that he would be great in the Kingdom.
As I was examining the new mess I had gotten myself into while riding to the hospital in Washington and was beating myself in the head mentally, these scenes of the kids listening to the stories of God's faithfulness in days gone by came to mind. I remembered that God said that His word WILL NOT return void, it will accomplish what He pleases. I starting praying in the midst of this ordeal that the seed that was planted would fall on good soil and produce fruit for His kingdom as these children are reminded by the Holy Spirit, in their hour of need as they grow and mature.
Over the past several weeks my batteries in my spirit have been running below the red zone. I have not known what to do. I would go the the Word and pray for a special word from God. Most of the time nothing in particular came. There was dead silence from heaven as far as I could tell. I would weep both physically and spiritually thinking that I had reached the limit and that somehow I had displeased God and was being punished. Satan started to bring to my mind the music and thoughts from years ago and remind me of the "comfort" that came from there.
The other day, I think it was yesterday, something came to mind about the life experiences of Joseph. The Bible says that "the Word of the LORD tried him..."
But, I do not want to be tired; I cried! I am beyond that! I have read the promises of God to me and I believe every word! God, I cried, I have asked You a hundred times to give me a new brain, my old one is messed up! Give me a new heart, a new spirit! But the trial continues.
God hears, even our thoughts both for Him and thoughts against Him. Our faith, our unbelief, our fears and our doubts-He hears it all and knows it all. For some strange reason this is the way it works. WE WILL BE TRIED by His word. This is where growth and a deeper faith matures.
Just today, after feeling the acid burn through what was remained of my mental battery, I cried out to God and said I NEED A WORD! Here is what He gave me:
"For I HAVE satiated the weary soul,
and I HAVE replenished every sorrowful soul."
This was the answer! I have been trying to satiate my own weary soul with human wisdom and what I thought. I tried for weeks to replenish my sorrow and tell myself that I was in control and would recover. I am realizing that I will never reach a place where I can do it on my own; no matter how "spiritual" I become or no matter how much I grow and mature in the LORD; it is and has to be ALL HIM. Total dependence upon Him. Anything less than that is an offense to Him.
There are some who will say that one must prepare for an emergency. There are those who say it is foolishness to take in children who are so troubled. There are some who say that Believers must "button down the hatches" of our homes and ride out the storm. They can do that; we will not!
No matter how I have felt during these times of turmoil, God was, is, and will always be a strong tower, a place of comfort and rest. His everlasting arm is still outstretched and available for those who search for Him.
Like Jeremiah did years ago when he heard these words of comfort from God, verse 26 says that, " Upon this I awakened, and beheld (understood), and my sleep was sweet unto me."
The troubles are just beginning. Do we run from them, do we avoid the lion's den at all cost? Do we cower from the mighty waves of the Red Sea that God has brought us to the shores of? As the mountains quake and tremble and lightening's glow, do we send another Moses to the mountaintop to speak to God? Or do we go for ourselves?
When we get to heaven and gaze in amazement at those Brothers and Sisters who have given our all, will there be a place to hide in shame because we risk nothing while here on earth?
There is human wisdom. There are principal tenants of capitalism, our way of life that have been followed and I have probably broken them all.
The heavenly economy is the one I am most concerned about. Jesus looked at the rich young ruler and told him to sell all that he had and follow Him. Was he just kidding? We WILL find out!
As a footnote, my wife and I are preparing to have the children up again this summer! Pray for us; for me that I can keep my composure and peace of God, and for her as she teaches the girls how to bake a cake, sew a garment or make dolls for the children's ward at the hospital here in town, or how young ladies should behave.
For those of you who read this that know my wife and myself, I request that the information in this writing be kept to yourselves. I poured out my heart in an effort to prepare all who may read this of the ways of God at this present time in our personal lives.
If we search for Him with all of our hearts, He will be found!